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Jas
Cool Colonel
Joined: 19 Jan 2005
Posts: 12001
Location: Agrabah, Georgia
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 Posted: Thu Jun 23, 2005 6:43 pm Post subject: |
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| IRideAladdin'sCarpet wrote: |
yes, i know meesh, and AG, and jas, and everybody else:  |
I just noticed I got named in the post. 
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AladdinsGenie
Genie of the Messageboard
Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Posts: 11787
Location: Tennessee
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| Posted: Thu Jun 23, 2005 7:06 pm Post subject: |
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| Me too. |
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Nez
Eccentric Papyrus Jockey
Joined: 07 Oct 2004
Posts: 2617
Location: Bellevue, Ne
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| Posted: Wed Jun 29, 2005 7:07 pm Post subject: |
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Chapter 10 is up.
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Nez
Eccentric Papyrus Jockey
Joined: 07 Oct 2004
Posts: 2617
Location: Bellevue, Ne
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| Posted: Wed Jun 29, 2005 8:23 pm Post subject: |
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Oh, and Kristin, my username was named after a friend in high school who was an Egyptian-born Swiss foreign exchange student named Nesrin.
I really liked her name.
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IRideAladdin'sCarpet
Genie of the Vegetarian Chicken Nuggets
Joined: 20 May 2005
Posts: 698
Location: Below the Paris Opera House with Gerik #2 ~_^ (Louis Phillippe Room)
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| Posted: Wed Jun 29, 2005 9:18 pm Post subject: |
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| Nez wrote: |
Oh, and Kristin, my username was named after a friend in high school who was an Egyptian-born Swiss foreign exchange student named Nesrin.
I really liked her name. |
that is by far the coolest name i've ever heard in my life. dude-that's wicked awesome!!!! 
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I loveses my Ger-bear! (me and Ger-bear>>)
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Nez
Eccentric Papyrus Jockey
Joined: 07 Oct 2004
Posts: 2617
Location: Bellevue, Ne
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| Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2005 9:18 pm Post subject: |
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Working on the next chapters. Having trouble, because I can't write fight scenes very well. 
Here's what I got so far:
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| Jasmine and Aladdin now stood in the middle of an army of mamluks, the half dead soldiers armed each which a scimitar. |
I want to put dialouge there before they kick the army of the undead's asses, but I don't know what to put without them being incredibly corny.
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AladdinsGenie
Genie of the Messageboard
Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Posts: 11787
Location: Tennessee
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| Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2005 11:00 pm Post subject: |
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You can put something cocky "Is he ever going to give me a challenge?" or "Why are we still fighting these things? Haven't we fought them all already?" or "This can't be good"
My only request would be to not have something dumb happen like have them getting beat up by the mamluks or seriously hurt. |
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Nez
Eccentric Papyrus Jockey
Joined: 07 Oct 2004
Posts: 2617
Location: Bellevue, Ne
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| Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2005 7:50 am Post subject: |
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I wrote something like:
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"You think we deja-ed this vu at least once already?" Jasmine asked Aladdin. Aladdin smiled playfully.
"There's always room for more." |
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AladdinsGenie
Genie of the Messageboard
Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Posts: 11787
Location: Tennessee
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| Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2005 1:21 pm Post subject: |
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| I think Aladdin's line is ok. Jasmine's sounds kinda iffy. |
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Nez
Eccentric Papyrus Jockey
Joined: 07 Oct 2004
Posts: 2617
Location: Bellevue, Ne
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| Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2005 3:33 pm Post subject: |
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What would you recommend? I mean, how would Jasmine react to being surrounded once again by Mamluks?
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AladdinsGenie
Genie of the Messageboard
Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Posts: 11787
Location: Tennessee
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| Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2005 11:53 pm Post subject: |
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| Honestly, if you switch around who says what I think it would sound better. Jasmine isn't normally the one to say the little "phrases" although she has said some herself. |
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Nez
Eccentric Papyrus Jockey
Joined: 07 Oct 2004
Posts: 2617
Location: Bellevue, Ne
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| Posted: Sun Jul 03, 2005 11:16 am Post subject: |
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Good advice.
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Nez
Eccentric Papyrus Jockey
Joined: 07 Oct 2004
Posts: 2617
Location: Bellevue, Ne
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| Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 8:50 am Post subject: |
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At last,
My Story, She is Completed!
Read and review at ff.net.
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IRideAladdin'sCarpet
Genie of the Vegetarian Chicken Nuggets
Joined: 20 May 2005
Posts: 698
Location: Below the Paris Opera House with Gerik #2 ~_^ (Louis Phillippe Room)
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| Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 5:33 pm Post subject: |
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HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO! DA NA NA NA NA NA NA!!! YOU JUST FINISHED THE WORLD'S GREATEST STORY; WHAT'RE YOU GONNA DO NEXT?!
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I loveses my Ger-bear! (me and Ger-bear>>)
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AladdinsGenie
Genie of the Messageboard
Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Posts: 11787
Location: Tennessee
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| Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 11:37 pm Post subject: |
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| She's going to Disney World! |
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