(Setting: a mountainous, snow-covered landscape.
Aladdin and his friends are trudging through a blizzard. Genie is
in the lead, wearing snowshoes, followed by Aladdin, Abu, and Iago.
Genie seems happy; everyone else looks annoyed.)
Genie: Ooh, look at the pretty flakes! No two alike, you
know. Isn't this the best shortcut? Yep, nothing like the great
Aladdin: Uh, yeah, right. Are you sure we're going the right
Genie: Have I ever mentioned my semi-phenomenal, nearly
cosmic sense of direction?
Iago: We're lost.
Genie: (turns into an ice cream vendor; singing)
I scream, you scream, we all scream for... frozen yoghurt! Fat free!
We're on the cusp of bikini season, you know!
Aladdin: Another suggestion from the mind that brought us
the short cut.
Genie: I know! Let's play a game. I spy with my little eye
something that starts with S!
Iago: (landing on Genie's shoulder) Aaah! All of
this cheery prattle is making my ears go numb!
Genie: Ears? (gives Iago a giant pair of ears) Oh,
there they are!
Iago: My sanity is dangling by a thread and the genie's
not helping! I vote we turn back now? What's the worst thing that
(Genie disappears out from under Iago, then reappears as a fortune
teller with a crystal ball.)
Genie: I see tidal waves and typhoons, fevers and famines,
pimples and papercuts!
(Iago and Abu advance toward Genie angrilly, holding icicles
like daggers. Aladdin takes the icicles away from them.)
Aladdin: Calm down, guys. We're all a little edgy, but we've
gotta stick together.
Genie: (as a male cheerleader) That's right, guys,
we're a team! Team Aladdin! Let's hear it for the team! (honks
(The sound of the horn starts an avalanche, which is headed
Aladdin: Oh, no!
(A large piece of ice breaks beneath their feet, and they slide
down the mountain on it, just ahead of the avalanche. They then
crash headfirst into a snowbank.)
Aladdin: Genie, don't do that again.
Iago: Well, so much for going back the way we came.
Abu: Ooh! (points up at something)
Genie: (looking in the direction Abu pointed) Cool!
Aladdin: (shivering) I'd say freezing! (turns
(They are in front of a giant castle which blocks the entire
Genie: Whoa! What a place to put a castle!
(Genie walks up to the door, which has a doorknocker on it shaped
like a gargoyle's head. He pulls out a map.)
Genie: Not exactly convenient to shopping and schools.
Aladdin: Genie, can you give us five minutes without clowning?
Genie: Sure! Say no more!
Aladdin: We can't go around, but maybe we can go through.
(Aladdin tries to use the gargoyle doorknocker, but, when he
touches it, its eyes glow green and it hisses at him.)
Gargoyle: None may pass without the leave of the castle
lord! And the mighty yeti lord Kutato may not be in a generous mood.
(the door opens slowly) Enter if you dare.
Iago: Uh, I have a rule about doing anything that ends with
the words "if you dare"!
Aladdin: So we sweet-talk the lord of the castle. How hard
can that be?
Genie: Right! You date a princess, you hang with a sultan,
you have a way with royalty!
Iago: (to the doorknocker) Uh, let's recap the "if
you dare" thing.
(The door starts to close, and Iago barely makes it inside before
(They walk along a hall inside the castle. There are gargoyle
head sculptures along the walls of the castle that look just like
the doorknocker. Their eyes glow green as the group passes them.)
Aladdin: I feel like we're being watched.
Gargoyle: You are.
Iago: Does this concern anyone but me?
(There's a loud breathing sound coming from behind a large door.)
Aladdin: Is that... breathing?
(They open the door and look inside. There is a yeti sleeping
on a comfortable chair in front of a fireplace.)
Aladdin: Think that's the castle lord?
Iago: Either that or the guy who at him.
Gargoyle: You are in the presence of the castle lord!
(The yeti stirs, then goes back to sleep.)
Aladdin: (waving nervously) Hi! Ahem! (bowing)
Greetings, my lord! We, um, seek permission to pass through your
(The yeti opens his eyes, glares at them, and starts stretching
his claws one by one.)
Aladdin: Uh, see, we were heading back home from Odiferus
and kinda got off track!
(The yeti slowly scratches the wall with his claws.)
Aladdin: Did he just cut through stone with his claws?
Aladdin: You know, turning back doesn't sound too bad right
(They start to run out of the room, and Lord Kutato stands up
and roars at them.)
Genie: Want to am-scray?
Genie: (as a hot air balloon) Throw the parrot overboard!
He's weighing us down!
(Kutato looks confused.)
Aladdin: Genie, we aren't moving!
Genie: No problemo!
(Genie gives them all rollerblades. No one but Genie knows how
to skate, so they all roll around the room uncontrollably. Kutato
Aladdin: (falling down) Genie!
Genie: Ooh! Sorry, Al!
Aladdin: Genie, hurry!
Genie: Okay, one great escape coming right up!
(Genie is suddenly on a unicycle, and the others are balanced
on a wooden chair balanced over his head.)
(They all fall to the ground, and Kutato starts laughing.)
Aladdin: Genie, it's not funny!
Genie: I'm not laughing, Al!
(Kutato, still laughing, picks up Genie and gives him a noogie.)
Genie: He likes me! Hey, maybe we don't have to leave after
(A stage appears.)
Genie: (voice over) Let's give a cool arctic welcome
to the ambassador of amusement, the hardest working man in wonderment,
the magistrate of magic...
(The curtains open, revealing Genie wearing a striped suit.)
Genie: Genie! Thank you, thank you, thank you, ladies and
snowmen. (dancing) Hey, this really wowed 'em in Babylon!
(Genie falls down, and we can see that it's not the "real"
Genie, but a giant marionette that Genie is controlling from above.
The Genie puppet is then taken away and replaced by Iago and Abu,
who are dressed as jesters and are being controlled with strings
like marionettes. Abu is holding a club.)
Genie: Hey, kids! It's the Punch and Moody show!
(Iago and Abu start fighting. Kutato laughs, and Genie comes
up to him and fans out a deck of cards.)
Genie: Go on, take one. I'll guess it.
(Kutato picks a card and looks at it. It's the king of hearts
with Genie's picture on it as the king.)
Genie: King of hearts! Am I right?
Genie (as the card): I'm just overflowing with love!
(hearts fly everywhere) Ooh, this'll be a mess!
(Another Genie appears in the form of Cupid.)
Genie (Cupid): Not a problem! (starts shooting the hearts
(Kutato watches all of this, smiling.)
Aladdin: Huh, he really loves Genie!
Iago: How sad, very sad. There's no helping the comedically-challenged.
(Setting: the castle exit, a short while later. Aladdin, Iago,
and Abu are there.)
Gargoyle: Lord Kutato has granted you leave to pass through
(The door opens, revealing the valley on the other side of the
castle. There is no snow; everything is green and lush.)
Aladdin: Wait, where's Genie?
(A fancy car drives up, the door opens, and a red carpet rolls
out, with Genie at the end of it, wearing a Hawaiian shirt and sunglasses.)
Genie: Yo, babe.
Aladdin: Kutato's letting us cut through the castle!
Genie: Haha! Al, whoa! I can't leave yet! I've got some
sure-fire material to try out on his hairy-ship!
Aladdin: I don't know, Genie.
Iago: Kid, we can't stand in the way of top-draw family
Genie: At least the yeti guy appreciates me.
Aladdin: We do too, Genie. You know that.
Aladdin: We're just not sure about him.
Genie: Hey, I'll catch up later! Right now, my number one
fan demands an encore! (disappears)
(Aladdin and the others walk out of the castle, and the gate
closes behind them.)
Iago: It's beautiful!
Aladdin: Yeah! It's like a whole new world on this side
of the castle.
Iago: I meant no Genie! Listen to the quiet!
Aladdin: Yeah... I miss him already.
Iago: Oh, please, what do you miss exactly? His non-stop
babble? Or maybe you miss his magical fiascos, like, say, an avalanche,
to cite a recent example?
Aladdin: Genie can get out of hand—
Iago: Look, he's found a sucker who actually likes
his hocus-jokus! Let him enjoy it and give us a break! We'll see
him again all too soon.
Aladdin: You're right, Iago. Genie's probably having a great
time. He'll catch up.
(They walk away.)
(Setting: inside the castle. Kutato is still watching Genie.)
Genie: (as a trapeze artist) I fly through the air
with the greatest of ease! Oops! I forgot this was a solo act! (falls)
(Genie turns into a basketball player and the basketball he
Genie (basketball): Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
(Genie slam dunks the basketball, then turns into a hula dancer
and sings in faux-Hawaiian.)
Genie: Big finish! (decorates the room in a Hawaiian
theme) Welcome to the enchanted genie room!
(Kutato laughs and claps, then all the decorations disappear.)
Genie: You've been a super, fantabulous audience. It's been
metaphysical, I really mean it. (hands Kutato an autographed
photo) Now, before I catch up with my pals, I'd...
(Kutato walks towards him carrying a giant glass bottle.)
Genie: Just... like... to... say... Uh oh.
(Kutato traps Genie in the bottle.)
Genie: So then, the big hairy monster says, "that genie
is so much fun, I oughta have him bottled."
(Setting: The valley beyond the castle. Aladdin, Abu, and Iago
are walking along a road.)
Aladdin: I really thought Genie would join us by now. (takes
out the lamp) I'd better tell him to hurry up.
Iago: No, please! Let the peace and quiet last a little
Aladdin: Sorry, Iago. Quiet time is over. (rubs the lamp)
(Setting: the castle. Kutato is watching Genie inside the bottle.)
Genie: (as a French maid holding a cat) But monsieur,
if this is the cat, where is the lobster?
(Another Genie runs past with a lobster hanging from his nose.)
Genie: My face! Get it off my face!
(Kutato thumps his armrest with his fist. There's what looks
like static inside the bottle, as if the channel is changing. Genie
turns into a salesman.)
Genie: The Copenhagen formula actually reduces male pattern
(Kutato thumps his fist again, and the "channel" changes.
Genie turns into a baseball player.)
Genie: (voice over) Holy cow! It's a towering homer
for the plucky young rookie from Agrabah!
Aladdin: Where is he?
Iago: See? He's having a good time! Why rain on his parade?
Aladdin: (rubbing the lamp) Genie always comes when
I call him! Something's wrong.
(Setting: inside the castle. Kutato changes the "channel"
repeatedly, and Genie turns into a cowboy, Bonkers, a housewife,
a cow, the Godfather, a pirate, and then back to his normal self.)
Genie: Please, please! No more! I'm exhausted!
(Kutato scowls at him, roars, and thumps his armrest again.)
Aladdin: Come on, we've gotta go back.
Iago: Go back? No way! Okay, hypothetically speaking, what
if it was me? Would you leave me behind?
(Aladdin and Abu have already started back towards the castle.)
Iago: Hey, you're leaving me behind! It was a hypothetical
question! (follows them)
(Setting: the castle)
Genie: Gee, Kutato! Thanks for letting me go! (turns
into Kutato) Well, I learned my lesson, Genie. The best way
to keep a friend is to set him free. Aw, you're the best friend
(Kutato looks confused.)
Genie: If you'd like to learn more about letting genies
go, your local library suggests "Let My Genie Go", by
Frieda Genie, "Trapped Genie, Scared Genie", and "101
Other Uses for Big Bottles"!
(Kutato growls and pounds his fist repeatedly.)
(Setting: Outside the castle. Aladdin and the others have just
got back to the castle door.)
Iago: I just wanna go on record as saying, I don't wanna
Aladdin: We would like to enter the castle!
Gargoyle: (laughs) Enter the castle? This is the
Iago: (imitating the gargoyle's voice) "This
is the exit!" Jerkface doorknocker.
Aladdin: Let us in! We wanna see Genie!
Gargoyle: None shall enter!
Aladdin: (trying to force the door open) Come on!
Open! There's gotta be another way to get inside. (looks up and
sees a tower with a window) There!
Iago: Sure, but how are you planning on getting up there?
Aladdin: (pulls a rope out of his backpack) With
this. (offers the rope to Iago)
Iago: Oh, no, no. No way.
Iago: You're not gettin' me up there! It's way too high!
Aladdin: (rolling his eyes) There's no use talking
to him until he's finished.
Iago: ...hollow bone in my body! Then where would I be?
Just forget it!
Aladdin: Iago, you can fly.
Iago: Oh. Right. (takes the end of the rope and flies
toward the window)
(Setting: inside the castle)
Genie: (imitating Jerry Lewis) Let's see where we
stand. Hit me! (a scoreboard shows $10,000) Ten thousand
laughs in just the last hour?! (changing back to normal)
Isn't that enough? I fractured my funnybone for you! There's no
more giggles, gags, or guffaws left in me! Please, your hairy-ship,
let me go!
(Kutato jumps up and down and grunts.)
Genie: But I haven't any more to give! I've given 'till
it hurts! Can' you see I'm wasting away?!
(Kutato holds the bottle up near his face. Genie turns into
Genie: You know, in the theater we have a saying: the show
must go on! And on, and on, and on...
(Setting: Outside. Aladdin climbs the rope up to the tower window,
with Abu clinging to his head. They reach the top and climb inside.)
Iago: You know, the power of flight takes the fear right
out of these stunts.
Aladdin: Okay, Abu, you can let go! (pries Abu off)
Iago: I suppose this was the easy part.
Aladdin: You're probably right.
Iago: Sarcasm is really lost on him.
(Setting: Kutato's room. Genie is in the form of a diver who
is being chased in circles by a shark. Kutato laughs. Aladdin and
the others are watching from the hallway.)
Aladdin: You guys create a distraction, I'll free Genie.
(runs out into the room)
Iago: That big goon's got his eyes glued to the genie. How
can we get his attention?
(The eyes of a gargoyle behind them start to glow.)
Gargoyle: Lord Kutato! Lord Kutato!
Iago: (imitating the gargoyle's voice) Lord Kutato,
there's, uh, a delivery.
(Iago and Abu are covering the gargoyle's mouth.)
Iago: You've been selected to test out the new turbo genie!
Yes, faster and funnier than those everyday genies!
Genie: Oh, yeah, just call me last year's model! Mister
(Kutato walks out of the room. Aladdin climbs to the top of
Genie: Al, you're a sight for sore eyes!
Aladdin: Hey, I couldn't leave my best bud behind.
Genie: My captive audience sort of made me the captive one.
Iago: Come on! That hairy lummox will be back any second!
(Aladdin pulls the cork out of the bottle.)
Genie: Thanks, Al!
(Kutato comes back into the room.)
Genie: Look out! It's Lord Couch Potato!
(Kutato throws the bottle at them, but misses. Aladdin runs
over the the fireplace and grabs a poker, then uses it to pole vault
over Kutato's head and towards the stairwell.)
Aladdin: Hurry, this way!
(They all run up the stairs, with Kutato right behind them.)
Iago: Faster! He's really ticked now!
(They reach the room where they climbed inside, close the door
and bar it.)
Aladdin: Barricade the door!
Iago: With what?
Aladdin: (looking out the window) Too far to jump.
Iago: Lucky I can fly. Should I tell the princess you loved
Genie: The bird's not the only one who can fly! Hang on!
(turns into a hangglider)
Aladdin: All right!
(Kutato knocks down the door, but they glide out the window
just in time, heading back towards the snowy side of the castle.)
Genie: (wobbling) Whoa! I don't know how Carpet makes
it look so easy!
Aladdin: Learn fast, Genie!
Iago: Aah! It's too windy! Too windy! (is blown backwards)
(They all fall out of the sky and land in deep snow.)
Aladdin: (to Iago) I thought you could fly.
Iago: You I'm not talking to.
(Kutato looks out of the window and roars.)
Aladdin: (laughs) He's stuck in the house! What's
the matter? Lose your genie?
(Kutato bursts through the wall of the tower.)
Aladdin: (nervous) That was thick stone!
(Kutato lands in the snow next to them. Genie turns into a snowmobile.)
Genie: Hop on!
(They ride the snowmobile away, but Kutato is right behind them.)
Aladdin: Genie! He's gaining!
Genie: I'll put a hurdle in his path!
(Three hurdles appear in front of Kutato; he busts through all
of them, not slowed down at all.)
Genie: Whoopsie. Well, at least he's finally getting some
(They're headed towards a fallen tree.)
(They duck under the tree. Kutato jumps over it, and when he
lands he starts sliding after them, sledding down the mountain on
his belly and laughing. The snowmobile reaches the edge of a cliff.)
Genie: Everybody, scream!
(They all land safely in deep snow.)
Genie: Deja vu!
(Kutato has caught up with them, but all he does is stand over
them and smile.)
Genie: You know, aside from the menacing moments, you've
been fun. (as a male cheerleader) Ra ra ra! Sis-boom-betty!
Let's hear it for my pal yeti!
(Genie blows a trumpet, and there's another avalanche, which
Aladdin: (shocked) Wow, Genie, you really got him!
Genie: (sadly) Yes. He was big, he was hairy, he
was unkempt, but, man oh man, could he laugh.
(Kutato bursts out of the fallen snow, laughing.)
Aladdin: He enjoyed the chase! I think he had fun!
Iago: That was fun?
Aladdin: I have a feeling that this abominable snowman hasn't
been outside the castle for a long, long time.
Iago: That would explain his taste for the abominable showman
(Kutato is rolling a giant snowball.)
Genie: Look, he's enteraining himself! (appears in front
of Kutato, holding cards) And speaking of entertainment, pick
(Kutato moves Genie out of his way, then continues rolling his
Genie: Gee, that was always his favorite! I guess he doesn't
need me anymore.
Aladdin: We need you, Genie. Boy, it was a boring hike without
Iago: The worst part is he actually means it!
Genie: Aw, Al, you're just saying that. I know I got carried
away. Sorry for being such a ham! (turns into a pig, holding
a skull like Hamlet)
Aladdin: Forget about it. You were just being... you.
Genie: I won't do that again! You can bank on that!
(As they walk away, Kutato finishes building a snowman shaped